If you have been on the internet, listened to the radio, or strolled through a bookstore lately, you have probably seen or heard the term “Let them”, coined by Mel Robbins. Mel Robbins is an American author, lawyer, podcast host, and motivational speaker, who has gained considerable popularity on social media recently.
I think there are a couple of reasons why she is so popular. One is the fact that she is very relatable. She offers no-nonsense advice about topics that most people can relate to, and that she, herself, has struggled with (i.e., relationship frustrations!). Her “Let Them theory”, at its core, emphasizes managing one’s personal reactions to others, in order to truly free oneself from upsets that would otherwise be caused by trying to control others or change what others do/don’t do, or think about us. For example, instead of protesting and trying to control what her son and his friends chose to do before their Prom (e.g., going to a taco stand instead of a sit-down dinner), she shifted her thought to, “Let Them!”, and felt sudden relief in her emotional state, and freed up to shift her focus towards her own wellbeing (“actually, what do I want to eat for dinner tomorrow?”). While this may seem like one really small change, cultivating it in her overall mindset (“let them”) and in her day-to-day interactions with others resulted in a path towards thriving for herself, which she now promotes for others.
As a Psychologist oriented in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT), these ideas are familiar and central to how we understand and treat problematic human emotions and behavior, including anxiety, depression, anger, and interpersonal relating. CBT is an approach that emphasizes the role of our beliefs in how we feel, and subsequently react. Strong thoughts cause strong moods (and behavioral and physical reactions). CBT advocates for thought-catching, so that we can interrupt and change, where reasonable, any faulty or crooked ways we are thinking about ourselves, others, and the world, and develop more reasonable patterns. This is particularly important when we cannot change external circumstances in our life to bring about emotional relief (e.g. when you have a hostile boss, but cannot quit your job for some time).
If you notice you are feeling frequently frustrated, angry, depressed, anxious, or you are having habits or reactions that you can’t seem to change and want to, give us a call to see if we can help. Understanding the “mechanics” of mood can be a game-changer. Knowing that our minds are wired to be irrational, rather than logical, can be a relief and a great new start. Learning what to do to help ourselves along with this, can be life changing.
If you like some of these ideas, keep an eye out for my next Blog:
Why do we struggle so much to establish new habits?
How Mastering our Behavior begins with Mastery of our Thoughts.
